Meet Mt Baker Vapor: Lisa H’s Story
We like to give our customers a chance to meet our wonderful staff here at Mt Baker Vapor. Many of us have had our share of adventures (and misadventures) that led us here, and today, we highlight Lisa H from our Customer Service department!
Our story begins on a Friday the 13th. It was a frigid January night in Bellingham, Washington. Snowflakes descended as a strange creature made it’s way into this world. A creature with black and white hair, blue eyes, and tiny, adorable fangs. The creature was to be named “Clarissa” until it’s grandmother yelled in excitement, “Oh, Claaaire!” with the Fran Drescher tone of most East Coast Jews. At that point, it was decided that the creature would be known as “Lisa” instead. The snow storm did not cease for weeks, and Whatcom County was deemed a disaster area.
Lisa was a finicky child, and refused to eat anything but raw meat for the first three years of her life. To this day, she can eat more than a full pound of steak in one sitting, and she prefers it rare enough that a defibrillator could bring it back to life. As soon as she was able to walk, she began fleeing the farm that she grew up on. She took to the forest for weeks at a time with nothing but books and musical instruments. She would sneak back into the farmhouse for snacks if she was unable to capture anything. When Lisa was eight years old, her parents were at their wit’s ends, and resorted to calling in a Pest Control Unit to capture her. Their efforts to tame her were unsuccessful, and she was sold to the circus shortly before she turned eleven. For a few months it seemed that the circus life was going well for Lisa, but when the circus master, Jimmy, was attempting to choreograph a trick involving a lizard, a tube and an obese contortionist, something went awry. It is still unclear what really happened, but it’s rumored that Lisa shoved a pair of scissors through a man’s septum and made a grand escape. She was not seen or heard from for years.
When Lisa was fourteen, she returned to the farm in Birch Bay, thinking that maybe her family would accept her back. When she spied on them from the woods, she realized that they were merry in her absence. She made friends with the farm’s goats and lived out of a large stump for a year, camouflaging herself with moss and mud. After having a rather intense philosophical debate with a goat named Gus, Lisa decided to head for the mountains. She said goodbye to the other goats: Sugar, Paprika, and Annie-Bananie, with tear-filled eyes. It’s rumored that Lisa spent the next couple of years teaching a pack of abandoned coyotes how to hunt and howl near the base of Mt. Baker, just outside of Glacier. Her howls still haunt the children of the town to this day.
In 2007, Lisa was spotted playing tuba with a wind ensemble in Tokyo, Japan. Members of the ensemble started vanishing about two weeks into their tour. The band was interviewed by a few reporters who asked Lisa how she enjoyed the music. In the report, Lisa is quoted to say, “I like the beat.” Many of her fellow bandmates believe that the reporters misheard her, and that she had actually said, “I like the meat.” Five weeks into the tour, Lisa went missing as well. There were no further disappearances.
The next time Lisa was spotted in public was when she was arrested for Disorderly Conduct, Trespassing and Theft in the Third at the age of 23. She had jumped a fence into a family’s backyard barbeque in Fairhaven and stolen a salmon from the picnic table. The police report states that witnesses saw her take the salmon in her mouth, jump the fence again, and head west, running on all fours. She was discovered on Harris Street, tearing through the raw fish with her jagged teeth and howling like a wolf at passersby.
Just over a year ago, a couple of employees at Mt Baker Vapor noticed that an empty vat had gone missing during the night. They followed the trail that was etched in the ground from the vat being dragged away. About three miles into the forest, they found themselves in a clearing, and were astounded by what they saw. They found that the vat had been crafted into a sort of abode, and a few random mods had been reworked into makeshift power sources. Lisa peeked around the vat to view her visitors timidly. She did not know what to think of them; the only scent that she could get from them was that of sweet, fruity e-juices. She decided that they were pleasant creatures, and welcomed them with a pointy-toothed grin. The two mixers invited Lisa to come work at Mt. Baker Vapor, and put her craftiness to use.
She has adjusted so well to society that she is now a customer service representative. Though, some say she can often be found howling at the moon, bathing in rivers, and eating raw fish.