Dear Summit – Who is GWAR?

Hey, Vape fans! I am sure that you guys have seen our premium line of juice called GWAR Fluids and some of you are asking, “What is a GWAR?”
The correct question to ask is not what…but whom.

A long time ago, there was a group of elite chaos warriors that ravaged and decimated the galaxy. They were full of hate and anything living was on their list for eradication. They were banished to Earth as a punishment and froze here until our pollution thawed them out. Which type of contamination unfroze them? You are probably thinking car pollution but in actuality, it was the hairspray from the 80s hair metal bands that burned a hole in the ozone and unfroze the wild soldiers of death. They now live on Earth and they are dedicated to ending the human species. How? They have swords and electric guitars. They have besieged us on the fields where we lay dead and in our concert halls across the globe. They will never give up until we are all dead and gone.

TL;DR, they do this:

So where did GWAR exactly come from and why do they love fighting? GWAR was a group of toys for the one they called Master. Master was a planet-sized creature floating in space. Master made his toys because he was bored and needed something to entertain him. He made the toys fight each other. The best of the best became The Scumdogs of the Universe. These guys were the ones who would be the executors of his favorite activity.

For thousands of ages, they were going from one planet to another and killing everything on it. They fought anything and everything they came across until one day they stood up to their Master. Once their master caught wind of their plans, he created The Death Pod and sent it to fight GWAR. The Death Pod eventually won, and GWAR was loaded into the Butt-Cannon and fired across the galaxy. They ended up on Earth.

When GWAR landed on Earth, they began fornicating and created the human race. The Master caught wind that GWAR had created the most annoying species in the galaxy and decided to freeze them in Antarctica. They were supposed to stay until The Master saw a time fit to use their awesome power for his objectives.

Fast forward millions of years. There is a guy named Sleezy P. Martini who is on the run from the IRS. He’s flying over Antarctica and is shot down. He lands outside the temple of GWAR and, for some strange reason, the only way he is able to survive is to get them all addicted to crack. He then loads them up on his plane and flies them to the United States, gives them guitars, and exposes the world to the most amazing metal band ever!

The group has been dealt heavy blows with Flattus Maximus returning to the stars and transforming himself into a supernova. Oderus Urungus was taken away to the End of Time and this left the GWARriors alone and leaderless. In the nick of time, two new Scumdogs appeared. Pustulus Maximus and Blothar the berserk war priest.

With the new members added, their war continues.

And that, dear reader, is the story of GWAR.  Be sure to check out their e liquid and to join our Facebook Group for a chance to win an 8-pack of GWAR Fluids (contest will be announced tomorrow). Oh, and did you hear we have three new flavors releasing 6/6/16?


Josh Hanna

  • Mary says:

    I think I might be too old to appreciate this story. However, you may consider publishing a comic book of your stories. I will have to try a Gwar flavor soon.

  • Elisabeth says:

    I’ve known about Gwar for a long time, but I’ve never heard their “origin” story. I love it! It makes all the blood and gore at their shows make even more sense. I’ve had a number of friends go their shows before and apparently, it’s one hell of an experience!
    I have tried chocolate beef cake, which was tasty. And spew! Actually, Spew is one of my fave flavors!

    • Josh Hanna says:

      Some of the guys in the office were able to make their concert and they said it was awesome. The members are super cool and the back story was a lot of fun to read and right about!

  • Ric says:

    that looks just like my dog

  • Sher says:

    Very long story that may or may not be actually true and explained what exactly has happened.

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