A Skit: Even Princess’ Vape…

A MAN in a tan suit sits at a bench, waiting for a bus. He’s looking right at us, breaking the fourth wall with a bright, cheesy smile— when an unusual looking WOMAN walks over, takes a seat beside him and opens a magazine.

MAN
Well, hello there…(unsure)…ma’am?

(The man takes in the woman. She ignores him.)

MAN
Beautiful day today, wouldn’t you agree?

(The man looks up at the sky. The woman looks sideways as he starts to literally lick the air with his tongue. In time, he gets his fill, pats his lips together and turns to the woman.)

MAN
Mmm. Sweet deeeeeeee-liciousness.

(The woman looks at the man like he’s crazy, lightly shakes her head.)

MAN
Name’s Brett by the way. Brett—Patrick—Lynch. The third. What’s yours?

(The woman looks at Brett’s extended hand. After a moment of hesitation, she shakes his hand.)

WOMAN
Name’s Princess.

BRETT
Princess?! Uh… okay, Princess. Can’t say I’ve ever met a Princess before. But it’s nice to meet you.

(Brett stares hard at Princess)

BRETT
Y’know, you kinda remind me of someone. That famous singer… what’s his name? Sang that song called Desert Rain. Or was it Purple Rain? Rain something…

PRINCESS
You mean, Prince?

BRETT
Yeah! That’s him. Prince! Any relation?

(Princess shakes her head)

PRINCESS
Nope. None at all I’m afraid.

BRETT
Really? Are you sure?

PRINCESS
You callin’ me a liar?

BRETT
No. No. Of course not.

PRINCESS
Good.

(Awkward silence)

BRETT
So, what’re you reading there?

(Looks over at the magazine, reads the title)

BRETT
Mt Baker Vapor? Is that a magazine on e-cigarettes?

PRINCESS
Sure is. But “Vaping” is the more happening way to say it.

BRETT
Vaping. I’ve been wanting to try that. Surprising, I didn’t know… y’know, that women vaped…

PRINCESS
Well I’ll have you know that women make up 60.5% of the vaping demographic.

BRETT
60.5%?! No way! You’re pulling my leg?

PRINCESS
Sweetheart, I’ve never lied a day in my life. Us women tend to be more concerned with our appearance than you so called men.
(pats her hair)
Vaping is stylish, fun and it keeps me looking sexy.

BRETT
(under his breath)
Could’ve fooled me.

PRINCESS
I didn’t hear that. What did you say?

(Brett clears his throat and changes the subject.)

BRETT
So, what is Mt Baker Vapor?

PRINCESS
Well now my little cupcake with extra sweetness, Mt Baker Vapor is the premier vape juice manufacturing company. Started not too long ago by two visionary entrepreneurs. Before, Mt Baker grew into the industry leader that it is now, James Thompson and Jesse Webb worked through the night, in their small apartment in Bellingham, Washington, mixing their signature vape juice. During those days, James and Jesse would literally, and I mean literally hand-deliver their juices to their first love-struck customers. I fell in love with Mt Baker Vapor the first time I tried their Hawk Sauce. Talk about dee-liciousness.

BRETT
What’s it taste like? Is there nicotine in Hawk Sauce? I can’t do nicotine. I’m allergic.

PRINCESS
Like I said, it taste delicious. Like a tangled dance of blackberry, raspberry and sweet and sour gummi. You can order Hawk Sauce and any other flavorful vape juice with nicotine or without. It’s up to you.

BRETT
Wow! That’s awesome!

PRINCESS
You’re awesome! And handsome.

Brett swallows. Princess starts digging through her purse.

PRINCESS
Y’know. I have a starter kit— with 0 nicotine Hawk Sauce preloaded in the module. How bout I scooch on over and share some with you?

Brett takes in the suggestive smile on Princess’s face as she slides over. Brett swallows again as we FADE OUT.

THE END!

mm
Copywriter at Mt Baker Vapor

Copywriter – I don’t copy write; I write copy right.


mm

Author: Michael Ade` Craig

Copywriter – I don’t copy write; I write copy right.

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